Tuesday, November 23, 2010

How-to: Remove drama from your Pico life in 5 easy steps

No More Drama!

We all play Pico because we want to not because we have to. It doesn't have to be a part of our lives. It's a choice ... and people choose to do things that bring enjoyment to their lives.

What is drama?
For most people, personal drama sucks the enjoyment from doing what you like or love. Personal drama, basically, is something that is said or done by another person or group of people that involves you and complicates your life. Common types of "drama" include gossip, betrayal, or spreading rumors or lies.

Why does drama exist?
Drama is prevalent in online environments because people pretty much have the guarantee of anonymity. They can hide behind their computer screen and no one will ever know who they are.

Who keeps personal drama going?
The people at the center of the drama - "drama mongers" - tend to like the attention that stirring up drama brings to them despite the fact that this attention brings negativity, so, they will try to involve as many people as they possibly can in their dramatic activities. Being at the center of the activity entertains them, regardless of who gets hurt or upset.

Sometimes drama mongers create drama intentionally; and sometimes the person just doesn't realize the damage that the things they say or do cause.

Since personal drama can happen at any time, any place and involve anybody we have all been caught up in drama at some point.

How can people who want to avoid drama (especially in Pico) do so?
Here are a few steps to help you out, especially in situations where you consider the drama monger to be your friend.

1. Be polite.
Even though the drama monger may be disrespectful to you in their words and/or actions, you don't have to stoop to their level. In all things you must remember it is important to not swear at people or call them names. Be the more mature person ... because you may regret hurtful things you do or say later.
DO say: "You're not acting like a nice person right now."
DON'T say: "You're a mean f*ck*ng b*tch!"
There is an expression, "fight fire with fire". This encourages someone to responds in the same or similar way as their attacker. This approach will not help in a situation of personal drama. Once you do as the drama monger has done, the drama monger will respond by saying or doing something more extreme and hurtful. Fighting fire with fire will get everyone burned.

2. Don't be a sheep, stand up for yourself.
If you don't want to be involved in the drama that someone else has created, say it. By going along with things and not speaking up you will only become unhappier and unhappier the more it drags on. Don't like the way someone is talking to you or treating you? Be honest and straightforward. Tell the person right away before they make a habit of mistreating you. The longer you remain silent, the more your frustration will build up until it reaches a boiling point and you completely lose your cool.

Tell the drama monger:
  • What they specifically need to stop saying or doing (example: "You keep telling our friends that I'm mad at you when I'm not.").
  • Why you don't like it (example: "It's a lie. You know it's not true and it seems like you're doing it for attention.").
  • How it makes you feel (example: "It makes me not trust you or want to be your friend anymore.")
DO say: "Please stop swearing at me / calling me names / saying (whatever that thing is) about me. I don't like it at all. It makes me want to have nothing to do with you"
3. Be direct in setting personal boundaries.
People just want to be treated in a respectful way. When other people are not aware of how to treat you with basic dignity, it's time to set some personal boundaries with them.
"Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits".
When you set boundaries, people will be aware of how you expect to be treated. You may decide that your boundary should have a consequence if/when the drama monger crosses the line. The consequence must be something that you can personally control; like refusing to speak to the person (for an hour, the rest of the day, forever, etc.), blocking them from your room, the loss of your friendship, etc.

When boundaries are set it makes it clear to everyone involved beforehand what will happen if unwanted words or actions continue.
DO say: "I don't like it when you call me that name. If you do it again I'm going to kick you out of my room for the rest of the day. If you keep doing it, I'm sorry but I can't be friends with you anymore."
DON'T say: "If you call me that name again I'm going to destroy you!!!"
The most important part of setting boundaries is following through. If the drama monger crosses a boundary that you have clearly set with them you must stick with it until they genuinely apologize.

4. If all else fails, walk away - block, mute or delete.
Your mama taught you that sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you. Words are just words. They mean nothing unless you allow them to.

Pico has the tools for you to protect yourself from any further distress by someone who is being rude, offensive or disrespectful towards you - whether they are your friend or not.

Here's a novel idea: don't listen to or talk to the person or people who is/are being mean to you! Remove yourself from the situation.

You can:
  • mute the person so that you don't have to read the things they type any longer.
  • (if they are in your room) kick the person from your room and block them from entering for however long you'd like. This can be undone, if needed.
  • (if they are a friend) remove the person from your Buddies list ... with the option of locking your room to 'Buddies Only' so they can not enter.
  • report the person to the people who manage Pico - especially if the person swears at you or says offensive things about your gender, race or nationality.
Before you resort to any of these, you should give the person a warning so they know exactly what to expect. Example: "If you keep saying these things I'm going to mute you / kick you out of my room / remove you as a buddy / report you". There are no surprises this way.

Remember to be polite. It won't help your case if you have also been saying bad things to the person as well.

To mute someone click on the person to pop up their profile → click the button that looks like a blue head with a red "x" below the mouth.
Click this button/icon to hide the person's chat

To kick the person from your room click on the person to pop up their profile → click the button that looks like a house with a red "x" through it. Click this button/icon to kick the person from your room

To remove a friend from your Buddies there are 2 ways to do it:
  1. If the person is in the same room as you, click on them to pop up their profile → click on the icon that looks like a garbage can/trash bin.
  2. If the person is not in the same room as you or not online click on the Buddies icon to pop up the menu with a list of all your friends Your Buddies → locate the listing of your "friend" → click on the icon that looks like a garbage can/trash bin.
Click this button/icon to remove the person from your Buddy list

To report the person's abusive and/or offensive behaviour you can do the following:

If you are a Facebook user, scroll to the bottom of the page you are playing Pico on and click on the link that says 'Report Abuse', just like in the image below (click image to enlarge).

Click this link to report someone's abusive/offensive behaviour (click image to enlarge)

If you are not a Facebook user, visit the offical Pico blog (http://info.pico.ameba.net/) → scroll to the bottom of the page → click on the 'Contact' link.

Both ways will take you to the same contact form.

It is helpful is you copy and paste the conversation with the person saying bad things into this contact form.

5. Do not be a drama monger too
Feeding into the drama that's been created will only make things worse.

You can reduce the dramatic situation you're dealing and bring about its end by:
  • Not  talking about it to everyone you know in Pico. People talk, and the things you say will eventually get back to the drama monger ... and they'll have even more reason to stir up drama. End the cycle and keep confidential. We all need to let off steam. If you absolutely must chat with someone about it, make sure its one person who you trust 100% and know will never mention it to anyone.
  • Staying away from taking the drama online to your or someone else's blog, Facebook or any other online forum. Though this may seem like a good way to "clear the air", so to speak, airing your dirty laundry is really distasteful and only gives the drama monger a reason to retaliate.
  • Taking a step back and hold your tongue. It's better to not react (do/say nothing) than it is to react to the drama and say something you will regret. Wait a couple of hours - even a day or two, if needed! - to cool off and then deal with the situation calmly.
When all is said and done, if the person apologizes in a genuine way, give them the benefit of the doubt. Wipe the slate clean, but remain vigilant. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say. Someone who has been hurt or who has had undesirable things happen to them will naturally be far more cautious the next time.


  1. Hm. How did that turn out for you? Did the drama end or keep going?

  2. i just talking about im always using rude word : /
    i didt acting for drama or anything ...
    whtever, sry to disturb ur blog

  3. You're not disturbing at all. ;-)

  4. hmm....Catero is wanna be famous in pico world ? XD?

    Grumpy Bear words isnt talking about she acting like drama or keep going drama ~ she said about her's word is impolite or rude , something like that

    In my view I think your topic is starting drama :3

  5. This is exactly how I reacted when I was being harrassed by posers. :3
    If you insult them back, you're only encouraging them to keep the fight going.

  6. errr... I think the grumpy girl misunderstood this article though it's clear from the title "How to remove drama from your pico life".

    Props to you Catero for being polite to her & the Ruby commenter by not replying anymore... to avoid the drama they're trying to start lol. How awesome is that? It also applies outside Pico world!

  7. @[♥]Breezy[♥]: Good for you.

    @Anonymous: Sometimes people miss the point.

  8. How is catero a wannabe famous in pico world?
    That sounds so.. wrong?
    ....BY THE WAY
    Thanks for the post. Helped me a lot

  9. I said, I'm soo sorry for disturbing you. :(

    I was just kidding about you guys about 'Hey, I'm a rude girl!'.

    But I dont think it's gonna be like that. I dont think Catero will say 'Did the drama end or keep going?'.

    Because it hasn't even 'started'.

    Sorry for the repeation of replies, but it seems like I dont want to end it. But I dont want you guys to misunderstand me. :3
    I did't mean any harm to you or trying to disturb you. ^^

    Yours Sincerely, Senna.